i hate clean hair.

literally wasting my life away on the internet every single day for the past week. i come home, take off my work clothes, strip to my underwear, and turn on my computer. sometimes the tv. music usually is in there somewhere. recently i've taken to cutting up my t-shirts and dresses so they can better fit me. lesson learned: don't buy clothes in the middle of an eating disorder, or else when you finally feel better you re-consider the whole not eating thing because your clothes don't fit.

i digress.

not really, because this is a ~*feelings*~ journal. sort of. my tumblr is for reposting pictures, livejournal is for the last 4 people i know that actually use it, and facebook is all-consuming. so. here i am.

i started watching some of Ryan Adams' self-made videos from a couple years ago, when he went "sober" or whatever. not only did i realize he's my soul mate, i realized i feel exactly how he feels in this video right now. this past summer has been a total shit-show from start to finish - fuck it, this YEAR has been a total shit-show - and i'm just starting to feel like myself again. this even happened within two days. i was faced with the idea of being alone for a much longer period than i had originally hoped, and suddenly it wasn't so scary. no alex, you don't need someone to hold your hand through life. no alex, you don't need to be out of control to deal with life. and no alex, you don't have to put yourself out there when that person isn't giving anything back except heartache. CRYPTIC, I'M DOING IT WRONG.

anyway, here's the video. he's listening to Eddie Floyd, this is how i know we're supposed to be best friends.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3ah8T87wtw